Liturgy of an activist guilt trip: Part 2

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Read Part 1 here

The social world and I were not the only one who felt like they had been conscripted into action -- against just another shade of guilt­­­­­­­­­­­ because of the sheer number of logistical problems we had to confront.

It felt like need, need, need, all the time.

The logistics department –­­-- especially during the early days of the occupation -- and mind you, we didn't for the most part know who these volunteers were, so we didn’t know who was actually keeping numbers on the personnel who who was assigned to what tasks but I still until this day wonder who they were.

People would come by seeking dry clothes, only to leave an ever-growing, stinky pile of wet laundry near the centre of the camp. I don't blame them, volunteers were just stretched so thin there was literally no one to do that job. Not that I didn't want to, as if i had 100 washing machines, but we pretty much had all made our identity our roles. I was just Media, some other girl was just Medic. If we didn't define ourselves as one thing, we would be pulled to pieces because new problems popped up every day -- a prime example of being dragged into the guilt trip Suck.

For the logistics volunteers, hanging over us like a cloud was this understanding that we were not doing enough -- we could never do enough.

There was a joke going around that Occupy had occupied itself into an army and if anyone was/is a student, then they’d know that an "army marches on their stomach."

G.A.s – where good ideas go to die.

But instead of guilt-at-never-doing-enough crushing us, guilt itself became a form of social control, especially during our G.A.s

General Assemblies or daily group meetings were what we needed was listed off and we all waiting to see who would put their hand up -- knowing if anyone didn’t like who was chosen, someone got chosen in their stead. Little cliques were already taking form and it was demoralizing that a good idea could go ignored for political choices.

Unlike the other examples out here, this was a protest without end goal. This was supposed to be the ongoing "revolutionary" fight

In Part 3, the series we will hopefully find effective solutions.

*Photo by krystalline kraus as the cops raided the camp.

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