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Win Lunch with Doug Ford!
August 30, 2011 - 9:01am
No, I'm NOT fucking kidding.
Full story here.
It would be hilarious if Margaret Atwood won the Taxpayers Coalition contest and Doug Ford won the Library Workers Union contest.
Lower taxes are good for Toronto because...
if the city is flat-broke and unlivable by 2014, Rob Ford will never get re-elected?
Is second prize lunch with both Rob and Doug Ford?
Lower taxes are good for Toronto because what made this city great are upper-middle class boroughers who nowadays can barely afford to put gasoline in their Escalades because of the disproportionate tax burden they bear so heavily. I mean, sure it's actually disproportionate in the other direction, but who's counting--unless you mean the countdown on John Tesh show on CHFI. I always listen to Teshy when I'm stuck on the 427. And the Gardiner. And the Don Valley Parkway. He doesn't take my taxes, not like those socialist pinkos at the CBC.
And that's why Toronto's great, because I can listen to celebrity John Tesh (or Kim Mitchell) while I take in breathtaking landscapes littering the expanses of Brampton and Mississaugua. It's certainly not great because of it's bloated library system--bloated by the people who use it on a daily basis across the city, more than most cities in North America. It's certainly not great because of its transit system (we put a nail in that coffin, didn't we Dougie! Woo!). And it's certainly not great because of its theatre or music scene, its diverse array of festivals and celebrations or the dedication of its residents to combatting poverty, homelessness, racism, injustice, homophobia, sexism and climate change. Sometimes, when people ask me where I'm from, I don't even say Toronto. I say Richmond Hill, because places like Richmond Hill are the reasons why Toronto is great. In fact, sometimes Toronto just makes Toronto worse.
If we had lower taxes, we wouldn't be funding grandiose funerals for Torontonians everyone hates, like Jack Layton. We wouldn't have to see so many people talk about things like "unity," "equality" and "compassion." Lower taxes mean I can worry about numero uno, job one and other helpful clichés--not friends, colleagues, and neighbours coming together under a common banner. They're just as likely to ask me for a handout like all those hippies that hang out in Kensington Market (another reason why Toronto is not great).
In conclusion, lower taxes are good for Toronto because they will make it the world-class city it always wanted to be: a city made for its economy and not its people, a city based on self-interest rather than community, a city of highways, overpasses and cloverleaf interchanges rather than literacy, arts and culture, a city based on saving money rather than saving lives, a city about division rather than about coming together.
Of course, if we don't get lower taxes, I can always spend my time in the Whitby Entertainment Centrum. Jack Astor's or East Side Mario's? I never can decide.
Catchfire if I plagiarize that, and win, who gets to have lunch with Doug?
Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!
Well if anyone on Babble wins lunch with Doug Ford, I'll supply the barf bag. If they win lunch with Sue-Ann Levy I'll supply two (they'll need it).
And if anyone wins lunch with Margaret Atwood, I'll supply a copy of the letter from the Palestinian BDS committee asking that she respect their boycott and not travel to Israel to accept an extremely lucrative Dan David prize. She did not respect the boycott and went for the money instead. I would NOT have lunch with Peggy A nor will I read her anymore. No more Egoyan fliks for the same reason.
http://rabble.ca/comment/1140407
Why do people like Margaret Atwood? I met her and she's one cold bitch..
What a charming fellow. He shall be missed.
I have a feeling that any meal consumed with Doug Ford would only be rented.